慈悲与智慧

智慧与慈悲，该如何找到这份平衡点？

我们应该把事情做的完美，还是容许人家一个犯错和学习的机会？

如果把事情做的完美，那是不是代表很多能力没那么强的人就没有一个学习的机会？是不是代表强者将永远的强下去，弱者将永远都那么弱？

如果我们让人家一个犯错和学习的机会，那有什么事情是不允许人家犯错的？有什么场合不允许有错误的出现？就算让能力没那么强的人去挑大梁，他们一定会犯错吗？

在很多做决定的过程中，我都不希望伤害任何人，或让任何人难过。每位seniors都说，慧命社的大门永远都为每个人而开。让每位学生都有个机会去学习，希望他们都能够对佛法产生兴趣，不是吗？

那为什么，要剥夺人家学习的机会？是这个比较重要，还是把事情给办得完美比较重要？

慈悲与智慧，让我找到平衡点吧！

“我这句语气原来好像你，不就是我们爱过的证据”

很期待今晚的英文佛学班，佛学讲座已经是我每个礼拜最向往的活动了。

时常看到他们，其实心里有时候是会有点羡慕的。曾经，我们不也是这么样的一起为慧命社付出吗？原以为，我们还有这种机会。

很后悔，当时为什么ego要这么大。

有很多东西，真的除了你，我谁也不想说，因为说了别人也不会明白。

请原谅我的不坚强，当我不开心时，很自然的，脑中浮现的第一个就是你。才发现，你真的很了解我。

坏心情，总会过去的。 =)

昨晚，突然间很想给你打个电话聊聊，也就打了。

聊着聊着，真的觉得在这里很难找到能够这么能聊的朋友。很多东西虽然有保留，但是也有很多的东西是我一说你就了解了的。

听着你讽刺我说我跟哪个女生很要好之类的话，你懂不懂这对我来说是一种莫大的讽刺？

别人不需要了解我什么，我也不需要向别人证明我有什么改变。但是我很清楚，只要我知道你在我心中的地位，我不可能和其他人有什么发展。以前所犯的错，只是因为自己不懂心里要的是什么，也不想再伤任何人的心了。

我觉得我已经move on了，我活得很开心，做什么事情心中都有了以前从未有的平静感。也许是因为现在自己更能够了解自己，更能够接受自己心里的感情。

一直以来都认为自己对爱情认真的人。真心付出过，怎么能不刻骨铭心呢？而且才分手一个月多。拜托，停止那些讽刺的言语了吧。因为，你一直还在我心里。

Decided to delete the post that I wrote last night.

Was feeling miserable, but it's time to pull myself up and be prepared for another long day. =)

Give your 120%, then only others will give their 100%!

Semester 2, 2010

Say goodbye to..

BIOT3011- Biotechnology A

BIOC3121- Molecular Biology of Nucleic Acids

MICR3021- Microbial Genetics

ARTS1270- Introduction to History: The Big Picture

Saying hi to...

BIOT3021- Biotechnology B

BIOT 3061- Biopharmaceuticals

BIOT3081- Environmental Biotech

BIOC3281- Recombinant DNA Technology

I will ace you all!

单身

最近很奇妙的，好几位朋友都跟我谈到了关于感情的问题。同时也对我的近况表示了关心，想告诉你们，谢谢你们的关心。

当我在槟城的时候，有朋友跟我打赌看我们谁能够维持单身比较久。是一个蛮无聊的打赌，但是我却觉得很有趣！因为我也很好奇我能够维持多久。哈哈

个人觉得，我会需要一些自己的时间，让自己能够更专注在学业和慧命社里。虽然缘分和未来是很难说（有一个朋友一直在这样跟我讲 =.=），但至少我现在是有这个打算。

以前拥有一些“历史”，是因为自己太冲动，不了解自己想要的是什么。现在的我，应该不会再犯这种错误了。很清楚，只要心里还有她，我就不能接受一段新感情的开始，不想再伤任何人的心。而且从一个好朋友到情人到分手，有几个能够恢复到以前好朋友那样的关系？现在的我不想失去任何好朋友。

除了这个原因，我觉得要令我找到能够有"chemistry"的人不简单。因为经过了一些事情，我开始看重那些以前觉得不重要的东西。曾经有人问我，你能够接受女朋友不是佛教徒吗？以前的答案是“不一定要佛教徒啊”，现在开始改变了想法。两个人共同的理想和目标是非常重要的，而佛教在我生命中已经占据了一个很重要的位置了。跟朋友、家人一起讨论佛法，往往是我最开心的休闲活动之一。

除此之外，虽然她不一定要吃素，但是我希望她能够体谅我吃素的原因，虽然在某些程度上是会带来一些不便。此外，我也很讨厌看到别人 clubbing，喝酒之类的活动。每每看到别人喝到脸红红一脸醉样拍照的那种照片，说实话心理会很反感。要疏解压力，难道不能去打球，游泳，做各种运动，唱歌，看电影之类的吗？一定要让自己狂欢到out of control才行吗？请原谅我的老土。

欲乐泛滥的时代，还有这样的人吗？很难找吧！那也好，在那个人出现在我生命之前，让我享受我一个人的生活吧！

留给你的窗

當時的星光　後來是否也出現在你想念的心上...

頂著藍色月亮　走在回憶長廊　

那一樣的月光照過我們緊握的手掌
問題沒有答案　轉了多少個彎　

妳還簽了名在我心上　不能遺忘

就算時間能沖淡了憂傷　想對你說的再也無法講　淡淡心酸

我的心還為你留一扇窗　

等你想起我回來看一看

自由屬於你　愛你就該放手讓你去想去的地方
怎麼能相信我們已走散　

不會再停站　希望已風乾
一樣的月光　冷冷的照在　兩個人不重疊的路上

你的心是否也有一扇窗　寂寞時也會抬頭看一看
當時的月光　後來是否也出現在你想念的心上
像我一樣　無處可藏　藍色月光　淡淡心酸

200th post

200 post, and I will write about my exciting itinerary here! Although it's only 2 days+ but it seems like i have done A LOT of things.

Wednesday- Reached Sydney at around 3pm, reach Kingsford at around 3.30, drop my bag and RUN to upper campus for O week stall. Many ppl are there and the atmosphere is good. Happy! After packing up, stayed in UL and discuss something with a few people. Attended choir practice after that, leave halfway for a dinner with Mei Ling, then went back to UL again to give a few people my tambun biscuits. The choir medley is AWESOME! Chatted with a friend until 11.30pm and haven't unpack yet!

Thursday- Woke up at 7.30 (VERY TIRED), not recovered from the tiring trip yet. Set up stall with Bing Sen and Glenn, then look after the stall for a while. Had a meeting with the sketch team, took a nap and was late for CDT. Had a deep discussion with Ming De and then compose song with Wei Yin until 12am. Reached home at around 12.30am

Friday- Woke up at 8am, set up stall with Bing Sen and Glenn again. Look after the stall with Juan Lyn for a while, then lunch and my first two lectures of the week. Fell asleep in the lecture theater for a few times because the lectures are too boring. =P Helped set up EDT, then had dinner/meeting with the VPs and sketch. Hopefully things will go well. Then compose song with Wei Yin until 1.30am in the kitchen in Squarehouse. Finally a satisfying chorus. Walked her home and reached home at 2am. Time that I reach home at night is getting later and later.

Tmr (Saturday)- Choir practice at 10, gotta give them the song, then attend sketch meeting with the sketch team. Then EXCO performance meeting at 10am, then OC meeting at 2pm...

Sunday- HTM ticket sales (this is half a day..) Then trying to arrange a meeting with Kai Yi....

I have probably missed something here, but it's time to sleep!!!

动力

在慧命社当社长的却是件不容易的事。

刚才一个人走上Upper Campus时，有一种苍凉的感觉。

想到去年，她一直在身旁，与我共进退。现在，看看身旁，已经少了那种“身先士卒”和我一起打拼的那个人。

想想她，绝对是没有可能在没有人的支持下能够撑这么久。当你的热情感动了别人，别人努力的回报也是能够让你继续下去的理由。这应该是相辅相成，互相依靠的。

现在，我扮演的正是她的角色。

还记得去年，不论有多累，有多苦，只要看着她的笑，就很满足，辛苦的一切都是值得了。

现在，我需要看的是一群辛苦的筹委们的努力，时时刻刻提醒自己。

另一个让我充满动力的，是佛法。加入慧命社的人有很多种，有很多是要消磨时间，或是喜欢慧命社这种温暖的感觉。再者，有人想要学习领导能力，和自制能力，以便出社会时能派上用场。更单纯的理由，朋友加入我也加入，反正很好玩。

真正令我感动的，是为了佛法而来的人。有时候你不自觉的会看到一个人加入慧命社之前和之后的改变，那才是令我真正感动，令我充满动力的原因。

这就是为什么 Anthony 在 Winter Retreat很简单的一句"Thanks for everything" 能令我这么感动。不是因为他说的话，而是我看到佛法在他身上所产生的影响。

就算一年里只有一位这种会员，我也要干下去！

Going back!

I have decided not to hate, instead, I am walking the tougher road. =)

If you know me well, you know that I can't hate anyone for too long, even though the person might hurt me deeply. That's just Ian Ch'ng and I won't ask myself to change it for whatever reason, even for my own good.

Another TIRING trip to 'look forward' to. And guess what, My appointment is already FULL until weekend even though I haven't stepped on the Aussie land.

Looking forward to the cold weather, and people that warm my heart. =)

外面的世界

二十多年前，齐秦写了这首歌。不久前，莫文蔚翻唱了这首歌。难怪我刚听到莫文蔚唱时有点惊讶，怎么这首歌这么简单，又这么好听？这首歌仿佛把我带到了一个美好的时代，一种美好的感觉。现在，两个人合唱这首歌。

在很久很久以前

你拥有我 我拥有你

在很久很久以前

你离开我 去远方流浪

外面的世界很精彩

外面的世界很无奈

当你觉得外面的世界很精彩

我会在这里衷心地祝福你

每当夕阳西沉的时候

我总是在这里盼望你

天空中虽然飘着雨

我依然等待你的归期

外面的世界很精彩

外面的世界很无奈

当你觉得外面的世界很无奈

我还在这里耐心地等着你

每当夕阳西沉的时候

我总是在这里盼望你

天空中虽然飘着雨

我依然等待你的归期

我依然等待你的归期

我依然等待你的归期

Starbucks, Queensbay

Enjoying myself in Starbucks at the moment.. Drinking a cup of ice dark Mocha..

Have been here alone for around 1 hour after movie with friends.. Predator.. It was an "ok" movie I guess..

Now.. Waiting for my family to come here.. Another movie at 7pm.. Eclipse.. Wahaha.. movie marathon..

Just now.. Met a lot of friends.. and realised how much I have gone through.. and how complicated our feelings can be..

Well.. At least I am happy now. Although something seems to be missing..

Enjoy the present moment to the fullest!!!

夜半漫谈

晚上一点半，虽然早上六点就得醒来跟朋友吃早餐了，可是还是想在这里写写东西。

最近，妹妹迷上了林忆莲。每天都听得到：

“有一种想见不能见的伤痛，有一种爱还埋藏在我心中，我只能把你放在我的心中”- 听说爱情回来过

“若是我身在诱惑的街，若是我身在沉沦的午夜，你的心是否会为我淌血，从此醒觉”- 诱惑的街

“回想我过去在你身边又如沉默的影子”- 影子情人

“几次真的想让自己醉，让自己远离那许多恩怨是非”- 何必在乎我是谁

“你是否还会为了失去感情流泪？我见你人前人后掩饰伤悲”- 知难不退

“夜已深，还有什么人让你这样醒着数伤痕？”- 伤痕

首首动听，首首经典。林忆莲果然是超实力派的。有趣的是，大多数的经典都是李宗盛，林忆莲的前夫的创作，而且很多首都能让我想起杨宗纬。杨曾说林是他的偶像，所以特别喜欢唱她的歌。难得的是，杨唱起来丝毫不逊色，而且很有自己的特色，也许他代表了男人的心声吧。

很开心你终于搬家了，为你终于能够摆脱那班讨厌的室友感到开心。也许像她所说很多东西都会不一样了，但是只要你开心，做朋友的也就该开心了，不是吗？

刚刚你突然来找我聊天，而且还问我能不能跟我聊，当然是可以啊！只是突然有点吓到。很遗憾的，被一通电话打断了，谢谢你的故事，我会仔细琢磨的！

刚刚跟你说了一个半小时的长途电话，很惊讶竟然不自觉地说了那么久，如果不是因为夜深了我相信还能再讲下去的。讲了很多话，心里踏实了很多。谢啦！

虽然距离演唱会还有好几个星期！我已经迫不及待地听着张信哲的歌了！期待听到“宽容”。=)

不写了，想到早餐那著名的香喷喷的经济米粉就肚子饿了。睡吧！

幸福觉哲 - 幸福抉择

“太想爱你”、“不要对他说”、“过火”、“宽容”、“别怕我伤心”、“爱如潮水”、“信仰”、“白月光”。我来了！

Happiness

Let's talk about happiness today! Since some of my friends keep asking me "eh your blog is very emo eh, are you ok?". It's not that I am always emo, it's just that I am used to releasing my stress and emotions in this little space of mine. I don't like to go and talk to everyone in the world and telling them that "i'm unhappy" or "i'm worried", it's just not me!

I gotta admit that in the last 2 weeks in Sydney is my happiest time of my semester, well ironically. Besides going out with friends, I really enjoy myself going to the monastery. If you think that monks and nuns are just a bunch of people who are afraid to face the "real world", please think again. For me they are very hardworking people who are facing the real world by not indulging themselves in any kinds of sensual pleasure and working hard towards the liberation of mind. Moreover, they "prepare" and "maintain" such peaceful places for us so that we can get away from the hectic life and enjoy the peace for at least a while. They are like the "mind doctor" and I am really thankful to them.

There was an unforgettable experience during the winter retreat, although I still can't really "enjoy" myself too much as a participant because I need to assist the organisers in many ways. Firstly, I get to feed the birds (finally)!!! You can see the word "envy" written all over my face last year when I saw people feeding the birds but I didn't get to do it because I was the organiser and too busy running here and there. Finally I fulfilled my "desire" hehe.

Then during the second day of the retreat, we had a session called "compassion in action", which we helped to clean up the monastery and sort out all the rubbish and firewood. It was pretty tiring for me first to smash the cans (which requires a lot of energy- trust me) and then helping to move the firewoods (some are really heavy) . After almost 3 hours of working, the session was ended and everyone is resting happily after the hardwork. However, the disease of the president works on me again, I decided to go around and see if there's anything I can help. I see a bunch of people around the firewoods near the female dorm. When I reached there, we helped out the remove the firewoods from the trucks. When we were about to leave, a few of us, all males, decided to jump onto the truck (very playful, indeed).

I was on a truck with Gilbert while Sayadaw is driving. We have to hold the truck tightly because there are bumps all along the way. I was enjoying myself although it's only a 3 minutes drive. When the truck was moving towards the pond, I realised that I am smiling happily. Then I realise that this is happiness without worries at all- happiness we all enjoyed when we were young. This hasn't happened to me for a LONG LONG time especially with such hectic life in Sydney and things I am going through. When we were at the side of the Kuanyin pond I saw Mei Ling and Kelly taking photos and I smiled to them. They probably don't understand why am I so happy. Haha! After that, I walked to the lawn outside the shrine hall and the kitchen (where the Buddha statue is facing) and lie on there and sleep for half an hour. Truly unforgettable experience.

Anyway, just a very small incident happened in the retreat, but I got some really good feelings out of it, and back in Penang now, getting enough rest, I know that I am recharged for another busy semester!

Me feeding the birds- it requires patience and loving kindness! (Photo credited to Mei Ling)

The lawn I am referring to (Photo credited to Mei Ling)

The pond and the pagoda! Kelly, were you taking this photo when I was on the truck? (Photo credited to Kelly)

World Cup 2010 Final

So excited!!!! It's halftime and still nil-nil. Was a very good half indeed, both teams had their chances and it still looks like anybody's game! Can't wait for the second half! Go my boys and do me proud!

检讨

今晚心血来潮，突然想看些书，就把书橱里非常枪眼的一本-《平凡的一生》拿出来看。

《平凡的一生》是我崇敬的印顺导师的自传。根据长慈法师，这本书是影响他出家的其中一个原因，在好奇心的驱使下我再度翻阅这本书，希望可以获得一些内心的平静。

一边读这本书的时候，一边在问自己：到底我有没有在佛法上精进用功？

得到的答案是，很惭愧的，在忙碌的生活中，我已经忘了要用功有一段时间了。每天不是在读书，赶功课，要不然就是在忙着慧命社的事情。有空余的时间，总是花在上网聊天和看youtube上。我得重新检视自己的生活了！

突然有点突发奇想，也许单身的日子是能够让我修行的最好时机！呵呵。

总觉得生活有点杂乱无章。就连学佛的道路上，也有点迷失了方向，看来是时候和师父谈谈了。

我生命中的法侣，什么时候才会出现？=)

勤修菩萨道

现在才明白很多东西。。真的是不容易。

当主席，真的要一直在跟人家沟通，了解人家的情况，才能确保事情能进行的顺利，人家办事也能做得愉快。看来，下个学期的那几个星期真的真的太重要了！已经可以想象到我会有多忙了，相信我也不会有什么闲余享受的时间了，加油吧！

做事情，很容易看到“这个事情应该怎么办”，“做这些事的后果会是什么”，却忘了看到“这个人做这些事做得开心吗？”，“这个人为什么会做这样子的决定？”，”这个人面对这些事为什么会是这样的反应？”。偏偏，这些都是事情顺不顺利的关键。

每个人都说是在为整体好，但除了给“理性的建议”外，有没有更好的方法帮助整体？关心事情的进展，首要条件是关心做这些事情的人的情况如何。

有时候对于别人不了解情况会有点生气，但是这些都不是别人的错，责怪也没用。有时会想到去年的主席凯怡是怎么去面对这些问题，也相信自己也能有同样妥善的方法去处理，只是要花更多心思罢了！

加油吧！再三个月就大功告成了！这是一个很好修行的机会。不只修习自己各方面的技巧，也能让自己跟坦然地面对自己的不圆满，把那菱角去掉，从而改进。就像Phra Mana说的，作为委员会的一部分，作为一个主席，本来就是在修菩萨道！

Breath in... Breath out.. Send Metta!

昨晚，度过了沉闷的一个夜晚。下午打完球后非常疲倦，回家睡了两小时，醒来后全身都很疲惫。然后，一整晚好像荷尔蒙失调似的心情不好。所以决定把电脑关掉，睡觉去也！

也许是人太疲惫，或许是心情有点乱，睡到半夜一直醒来。很多时候会自己醒来坐在床上，然后从床上爬起来跑到地上去睡。然后隔了不知多久又再醒来，回床上睡觉。这一来一回至少发生了有四、五次吧！

醒来时，惊觉我竟然睡了十二个小时，而且醒来后全身还很疲倦。应该是我身体还没完全休息够的情况下又激烈运动的关系吧！

Back Home!

Finally.. After 17 hours of tiring travelling, I reached the city that I love the most.

'Enjoying' the wet and hot weather, seeing the people that I most comfortable with, how great is the feeling~!

The travel wasn't as smooth as I expected, nevertheless it's always great to be back home. When I was on my way from Sydney to Melbourne, I was in deep sleep but awaken by a shout from a woman because of the turbulence. The plane was shaking CRAZILY that the first time I feel scared on the plane and have to chant Buddha's name because I didn't know what to do at all! Fortunately, I arrived Melbourne safely.

Then from Melbourne to LCCT, the initially 8-hour flight becomes 10-hour flight due to another turbulence. I didn't remember much about the flight because I was sleeping all the way throughout the flight. =P

In LCCT, I had my dinner at Mary Brown because of the attractive "Veggie Burger" sign at the counter. We were supposed to board at 9.10 and depart at 9.45 but I heard the announcement that the flight from KK has been delayed and will only reach LCCT at 10.10. When I heard the announcement the word "celaka (ji-la-ka)" immediately came out from my mouth and the Indian beside me seems to understand the word and smiled at me. Suddenly I felt a bit embarrassed. ><

When I reached Penang it was already 12.30am. My trip started at around 3am Malaysia time but it was all worthwhile. It feels a bit strange though when I reach home because our family has moved into a new house (my grandma's newly-renovated old house) which is REALLY different and more comfortable compare to 1 year ago. LOVE the new house but need a lil more time to adapt to it. I ensure that I Will take more photos and post them here when I have free time. Hehe. My two dogs- Xiao Bao and Xiao Guai went absolutely CRAZY when they see me, guess they know how much I love them. =P

Now I am enjoying myself in front of the TV with my dad, watching Holland vs Uruguay in the comfy and spacious new living room. Life can't be better than this. =)

终于，明天就要回到熟悉的家。

心情有点五味杂陈，也不很清楚是什么原因。

一个学期转眼间就过了，时间过得那么快！

短短四个月多，很多事情就已经变得很不一样了。

想想当初从马来西亚回来悉尼时的心情，不禁感叹事情的变化竟然是如此的快。

下个学期，会是怎样的一个学期？

我内心深层的寂寞，究竟有谁能够了解？

我知道自己还需要坚强点，还有好多事要做，好多人的期待都扛在我的肩上。

也许这些考验，是能够让我的肩膀宽些的助缘。

没有人能够预测什么将会发生，加油吧！

最后的篇章？

这几天，不是玩疯了就是开会开疯了。很感谢有你们的陪伴，也很感谢他们的用心和付出。

刚才和朋友闲谈，朋友看到我脸上一颗很明显的青春痘，问我是不是最近太累了。

突然发现，我很想念那个看到我脸上有痘，就会忍不住过来帮我挤的那双小手。

回到槟城，连我妈妈和妹妹都说我的脸怎么变得这么滑。

很想告诉你，这一刻的我不恨你，因为我真的很想念你。

明天一大清早，就要到Sunnataram去参加冬令营了。

我知道这是一个让我静一静，让我思考一些事情和修行的机会。

不得不承认，也许我们的路真的走到终点了。但是谁能知道以后会是怎么样？

最后的篇章，也许是另一个篇章的开始？

让我们拭目以待吧！

我最喜欢的合照，衣服的颜色和搭配的感觉都很好。我却从来没想过，以后再也没有合照的机会了。=)

感谢你曾经的付出和用心..