如果没有你

hey 我真的好想你
现在窗外面又开始下着雨
眼睛干干的有想哭的心情
不知道你现在到底在哪里
hey 我真的好想你
太多的情绪没适当的表情
最想说的话我该从何说起
你是否也像我一样在想你？
如果没有你没有过去
我不会有伤心
但是有如果还是要爱你
如果没有你我在哪里
又有甚么可惜
反正一切来不及反正没有了自己
hey 我真的好想你
不知道你现在到底在哪里
你是否也像我一样在想你？

我们活在这个无常的世界里，就算感伤我们又能怎么样？

学会珍惜，在这生命中的每一刻，认识无常，才是真正的智慧。

我们一起在华藏寺写的歌。。

也许，它在教着我什么。。

不知道为什么，这几天。。。

算了，不想说了。。

累了。。

就算你再怎么对我。。

我要怎么样。。才能不那么爱她。。

A nice article

Saw this on a blog.

為什麼人總是不知足 ?

其實我真的覺得你是一個很好很好的男人

有多少個男人好像你有這股勇氣去跟她面對這麼多的困難

首先.... 過了父母的一關

再來 .... 另一半的背叛

有多少個男人仍會一心一意.... 對女方不離不棄

人永遠想追求更好... 也許在不段追求的過程中已經錯失所謂的"最好"了

追呀追呀 ......

到頭來那個是最好? 什麼才是最好?

一個一心一意對你和默默為你付出的人還不好嗎?

還是嫁入豪門最好?

到你找到一個所謂 "條件" 好的..... 他一定有些地方是不完美

我相信你另一半是不是一個好男人/ 女人

你心裡很清楚

人卻很貪心

給自己很多借口去放棄或去追求更好

但是不論結果如何...... 你也不可以歸咎於別人

沒有人拿刀叫你去做這個決定.... 除了你自己

一個不懂知足的人

一個不懂感恩的人

也許得到了全世界.... 也是最不快樂的人

只有知足的人... 才會把握現在和珍惜現有

當我們在一個追求過程中

其實你想要的是什麼? 你的人生的目標又是什麼?

有機會相遇.....

大家也是單身

到.... 大家相愛了

機會率有多少?

相愛容易 ..... 但找到一個願意跟你牽手走下半生更難 ....

如果有一天你破產了, 身無分文 又或者你病倒了

而這個人一點怨言也沒有

相反... 不離不棄與你共同渡過難關

那你是全世界最幸福的人了

如果這個人離你而去.... 那麼他/她愛的只是你的錢罷了

=(

Sigh....... =(

心，真的很痛很痛...

等一下还有一个考试，明天还有OC meeting... 我得专注..

Maybe it's nothing to you, but you have touched me with what you said last night.

Thanks for asking me to call you whenever I'm bored even if it's midnight. Thanks for asking me to ask you out if I wanna see a smiling face. I won't really bother you by doing that but I am indeed happy to hear that.

Thank you. =)

秋雨

前几天回家的路上，突然下起了丝丝小雨。这种天气，走在大学的路上，看着人来人往，心里感慨之余也写了一小段词。胡写乱填，不成体统。

秋季雨缠绵，恰思故人泪

借问心碎何处填？

离人醉，湿枕泪，

梦里重相会。

杨宗纬

杨宗纬。。在我最低落的时候，用他的歌声抚慰了我。

除了那首“幸福的风”，一遍又一遍地在重播着他的playlist。

他那深情的歌声和浑厚的唱腔，真的能够一直把人在记忆里所有的一切都“啪”给打开来。

爱上了他的歌声，就是因为他拥有很多人所唱不出的感动。不是因为哭腔，而是那发自内心的感情。

我发誓，有朝一日，我一定会带着我心爱的人去听他的演唱会！因为我相信，他的歌声将会是我们共同美好的回忆。

又一次。。她又出现在我梦里。。

在梦里，依旧是很快乐的。醒来后的那种痛苦，谁能了解？

我已经很尽量地让自己地笑了 =)

世态炎凉。在最困难的时候，终于明白。。谁是真心的朋友，谢谢你们。

刚才你在烫衣服时问我：“祥缘，你还好吗？” 跟平时的你一样，酷酷的，但我能感受到，这是多么真心的一句话。我那寒了一个星期的心没有结冰，因为一直有你们不断地为我取暖。

昨天的Potluck，一直处在感动之中。看到你们这么样地为慧明社拼命，付出。而我这当会长的，只能更尽力地回报所有一切的一切。

昨天的sharing session时，Agus说了一句话：做任何事情，都要尽力。如果我们half-heartedly把我们的东西给做完，再回首，留下的一定是遗憾。

这句话，深深撼动了我的内心。就是这么简单的一句话，让我感动得几乎落泪。在我最困难的时刻，在我把自己封闭起来时，我曾经迷失过，也忘了当初的热诚和信念。讨论会完后，我马上走到他的身边谢他，看起来他也蛮惊讶的样子。我问了他几个问题，他也很简单地回答我，听着他说的话，我真的是在他面前强忍着泪水。也许是这一阵子发生的事让我情绪比较复杂些，也许是我一直在压抑和逃避一切的不愉快。但是昨天的那种感动，我希望我一直都可以放在我心中。

=)

Cold Weekend

It's getting very cold recently. Even people who are not afraid of cold like me are switching on the heater. Last night after EDT a few of us packed up and send all the stuff from Robert Webster back to UNIBUDS library. It was raining and I was so touched by them who are so dedicated and willing to put in their effort for our members. Although it was raining and nobody was selfish as we shared our umbrella and jackets with others. The feeling of working together like this is just great! If you ask me what's the best thing in my uni life few years later, I might tell you that it's the Thursday and Friday Dhamma Talk. =)

I love busy life like this, at least I am able to focus on things I am doing well and I am enjoying it to the max like never before!

Things to do this weekend:

-Potluck. Gotta cook rice and send it to Wei Yin's house. Gotta prepare a short speech and introduce all OCs.

-CL final. Most of you might know that I am a Man Utd fan but I am actually an Inter Milan fan already for 10 years! They will be playing CL final at 4.45am Sunday for the first time for like 30 years and it's a match that I cannot miss!!!

-Erm..... My history essay about slavery. Not something exciting to add for the weekend but it keeps me occupied at least.

-Secret! Wahahaaha... =P

Read this in somewhere and found it meaningful.

不爱就不要选择，爱了就要坚持。

真正的幸福是一点一点争取的，是一天一天积累的。

不要去伤害爱你的人，也不要让你爱的人受伤害。

成熟不是看你的年龄有多大，而是看你的肩膀能挑起多重的责任。

爱一个人要用心，诚心相待，真心交流，恒心相守。

不要计较太多的得与失，感情没有绝对的公平，也没有绝对的对错，要学会用一颗宽容的心包容对方的缺点与失误。

在一起是一种缘分，真的好珍贵，不要轻易让爱人哭泣伤心，好好珍惜在一起的每一分钟，美好的回忆应该留给快乐和欢笑。

无论遇到什么事情，不要轻易说分手，不要轻易放弃感情，下一站未必比她好。

相信你的爱人，不要总是怀疑她的诚意，亲密之余给彼此留一点自己的空间。

经常想念对方，哪怕她的坏，设身处地的多为对方着想，永远别让她的面孔变得陌生。

其实每个人一开始都不懂爱情，与爱人一起经历一些事情，甚至一起经历一些痛苦，才能变得成熟，才会懂得珍惜。

爱了就爱了，永远不要说后悔。只是一定要记住，让相爱的日子多一点欢乐，不要留下遗憾。

爱一个人是一件很幸福，又很辛苦的事。

我总是希望可以与我的爱人“执子之手，与子偕老”

所以我总是告诉自己：“选我所爱，爱我所选！！！既然我选择了，我也会用心的对待，我不想让我们彼此陌生，所以我用心的等待......

等你看过了外面的世界，玩够了，累了，倦了..

在外面受到委屈的时候，你就回来吧..

‘
我永远等着你！选了你，我一定会等你..

Dilemma

I thought today won't be a good day for me, I was so lazy to attend the history lecture because of my mood and also the heavy rain. It's so cold in Sydney! But after considering again, I felt that I better attend the lecture and tutorial so that I won't fall behind, so I went.

On the way to uni, the rain was so heavy and it's really really cold. When I reached the lecture hall, my bag was wet so were my books. The umbrella just isn't big enough to keep my body and bag from getting wet.

After lecture.. It's the history tutorial that I hate the most. Everytime I attend the tutorial I feel reluctant, and I will pray that the time pass quickly so that I can have my lunch. Today, I tried very hard to concentrate but I wasn't able to do so because I didn't eat breakfast at all and I was starving in the class. I thought it's just gonna be another miserable day, until I received my history essay 2 which is 25% from my tutor who is also my lecturer.

To be honest, I didn't think that I will do well in this subject, just because of my English ability and also the arts way of thinking. I did try very hard in doing the essay but I wasn't expecting any good outcome. Suprisingly, I scored 74 which is 1 point away from distinction! Better than the girl beside me that I always admired because of her good language and speaking skill.

I wasn't only happy but touched, because my hardwork has finally paid off. Although my past few weeks have been miserable, but indeed I tried very hard to do this essay. It was one week before her graduation and I was in a difficult state. I am contended with the result and proud of myself. Back home, received a few messages and comments from friends. I am truly touched by you all. I believe that I am not alone, and I am strong with the support from you guys. I am really inspired by myself now, because I wasn't expecting myself to be so tough mentally.

Now the question is.. Should I....?

痛

如果你像过去一样懂我，你该知道这有多痛。

不可思议

为什么当我感觉开心些，开始对生活有热情，找到方向时，你要狠狠地把我丢下谷底？

从小，跟我感情最好的表哥，几乎从来不主动在MSN找我的他，在我最需要时，突然跑来找我聊天。。很多时候，这世间的东西真的很不可思议。。感激。。

=)

I am suprised by myself.. Honestly.

I didn't know that I will be that strong.

I didn't know that I am mentally that tough.

I didn't know that I can be this calm, calmer than I thought.

Maybe.. It's time for me to do something big. =)

I realised that recently, I am more capable of pulling myself out of a deep shit. I just tell myself, Ian Ch'ng please get out of this shit and live your life happily, because everyone that loves you wouldn't want to see you being so miserable.

My mood does not fluctuate as long as I thought I will. I am glad that I have this ability now.. To be more stable and calm.

What is the reason? I am not sure. Perhaps........ I dunno.

妈，原谅我不常告诉你我在这里的烦恼。因为不想让你担心，我选择把一切都收起来，因为我也明白你知道后会有的反应。我只想一个人在这里坚强点，做出些东西让你和爸为我感到光荣。

Tired

Dead tired..

Overall a good day, but I can't believe that I am this tired. I hope I can have more energy to do more things.. Oh well...

I have NO BED FRAME tonight. Thanks to the ridiculous ex-landlord. ROAR!

I have to pump myself up for the report and discussion tomorrow!!!!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the stay in HTM, I realised that I am more motivated now. I learned not to take things too hard, and how to release my stress or sadness in my heart. I am certainly a happier person now compare to few weeks ago!

I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL!! =)

150th post

To those who stayed here until 11pm to talk to me,

Thank you guys, I feel much better now after releasing my emotions. This is what I really needed at the moment. =)

With Love,

Xiang Yuan

给你

今天，没什么特别的事情发生。

头半天，一直关在房间里，有些闷闷不乐。后来，去图书馆读书，才改变了我闷闷不乐的心情。真的是需要一些改变才能够把心情转变过来。

我觉得。。我无法享受我现在在做的东西。虽然不喜欢，但还是要硬着头皮去做，因为这是我对自己，对大家的承诺，也是我的责任。

感觉到心好像开始紧闭了起来，很多东西都不敢表达。虽然改变是必须有的，但是我还没有找到那个平衡点。现在的心情，有点像是一个很重的东西压在胸口上，喘不过气来。

别难过，别愧疚，跟你一点关系都没有。这是我们彼此之间相互沟通后的成果。。只是希望在这里让你明白我的心情，抒发自己郁闷的心情罢了。

我觉得。。我需要找回当初对很多事物的热情，不要被过多的压力和不愉快导致我意志一直沉沦下去。突然想到，佛法就是那个答案，才会突然想要去华藏寺静一静。

疲累的一天

终于度过了这一天。。

对自己的表现不很满意，但是已经在最有限的时间内做出最好的东西了，有时候人不该对自己那么刻薄吧。。

明白眼前的挑战有多么巨大。。很多东西应该学会放下，毕竟转牛角尖对我是没有好处的，而且眼前有太多太重要的事情等着我去处理。。

感恩所有帮过我的人！我只是希望每个人能够开开心心过下去！现在，最需要做的就是重新找回我那失去已久的热情。

加油！为了慧命社，为了佛法，为了自己的学业！

我只在乎你

抱着你的手，我用力握紧
我有些不冷静，因为我知道要失去你
时间不留情，岁月不饶你
你说青春已用尽，现在该选择放弃

你曾说，另一个人，比我用心，比我体贴，更懂温柔，你也想要有人更爱你
后悔当时没有，及时反应，你的不安，拥抱着你，把你给我的也给你
为何总要等到，最后一刻，无法挽留，我才明白，最宝贵的是你的真心
原来爱不是前世注定，原来爱也需要回应

所以我求求你，别让我离开你
除了你，我不能感到一丝丝情意

望着你背影，看不见表情
我知道有些话，现在只能感动我自已
心甘不情愿，因为伤心出卖了自已
眼泪不会说谎，全世界我只在乎你

你曾说，另一个人，比我用心，比我体贴，更懂温柔，你也想要有人更爱你
后悔当时没有，及时反应，你的不安，拥抱着你，把你给我的也给你
为何总要等到，最后一刻，无法挽留，我才明白，最宝贵的是你的真心
原来爱不是前世注定，原来爱也需要回应

所以我求求你，别让我离开你
除了你，我不能感到一丝丝情意

I miss her so badly even though I have seen her for the whole day today. What the hell is going on?

Emo emo..